


back to square one

by blankcamellia



Category: SixTONES (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-03
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:40:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21663088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blankcamellia/pseuds/blankcamellia
Summary: No matter how much he tries to forget, to drown it or even replace, Taiga always comes back. It always go back to Taiga.
Relationships: Kyomoto Taiga/Matsumura Hokuto
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	back to square one

**Author's Note:**

> October writings are still ... Being written but work threw me extra loads of shifts so haha good job me and then London exhausted me. 
> 
> But have this angst kinda thingy in the meantime. I had to write off some feelings and I have no idea if anything makes sense but whatever. I'm sorry Kyomohokku ;;

"I can't sleep."

He doesn't get any audible reply, but he hears Taiga move slightly on the side of the bed, the double bed they accidentally got because of a mix-up in hotel rooms, so he knows the other is still awake.

He also doesn't know exactly why he can't sleep. Part of him thinks it's because he's still high on adrenaline from the concert, and another part of him thinks it's because Taiga is beside him. Most likely the latter. 

The sheets rustle when he turns around, facing Taiga's back, and Hokuto realizes that it's broader than he remembers. 

He also remembers that they used to be so close. 

They have the lights off, but with the help from the faint light from the window, Hokuto can make out the shape of Taiga's back easily. It takes him everything to not reach out and wrap his arm around the older, just like how he always used to, and pull him closer. 

He lets his hand hover over Taiga's form, tracing his shape from afar. Close enough to imagine how it'd feel but faraway enough to not touch or disturb Taiga. 

He really wants to touch him. 

Feel how his body has changed, how he's gained muscles and some fat, worked away the thin figure and turned gorgeous. Feel how warm he'd be to touch, how he'd heat up his cold skin. 

Feel him like he used to. 

He recalls the soft whispers they always shared before falling asleep, the way Taiga's voice hasn't changed yet and how it was angelic even back then. It probably was magic, considering how enchanted Hokuto was back then. Recalls how he used to smile at everything Taiga did or said. 

"Am I too late?"

He tries again, tries to reach out to the other, who's lying beside him, close enough to catch if he reached out, but faraway enough to make it hurt. 

He wants to know if he can try to move on (again), if there's anyone in Taiga's life who makes him happy, if he still has a chance to make a difference, if he needs to give up, if he needs to cry.

Taiga moves again, pulling the blanket higher to cover more of himself and Hokuto knows he doesn't want to have this conversation right now. If he's being honest, he doesn't either.

He just doesn't know what to do with his feelings right now. 

He saw how bright and dazzling Taiga was on stage today, how easily he lit up at everything, smile so bright and healing, how ethereal he looked in all the ridiculous outfits, but most importantly… how genuine he looked whenever they locked eyes with each other. Taiga's happy Hokuto is here too.

It's probably the only mutual feeling they have right now.

No matter how much he tries to forget, to drown it or even replace, Taiga always comes back. It always go back to Taiga. 

He just can't stop loving him. 

"You deserve more."

His heart skips a beat when he hears Taiga speak up. It's barely audible, but he hears it. He almost reaches out to Taiga, to turn him around and look him in the eyes, but he stops himself. 

"I know you still love me," Taiga continues, voice muffled by the blanket and barely coming through. Hokuto hears it clear as a day though. Years of listening to the other finally pulling off. "But you should stop wasting your time on me." 

He swallows, not sure what he should say. If there's anything to say at all. His feelings won't magically change just because Taiga wants them to. He has tried to give up on him but it never worked. 

Deep inside, he knows they won't ever change.

"I swear I'll do things different this time," he whispers back, holding onto the small hope that Taiga is just as scared as he is. That Taiga still loves him too, and wants to try again. 

"That's not it," There's a slight tremble in Taiga's voice as he speaks, a slight hesitation. He's running away. Hokuto know he's trying to come up with a solid excuse. 

"Taiga, please look at me," he pleads and reaches out to pull away the blanket from Taiga's face. 

He doesn't meet any resistance when pulling the blanket off, and the way Taiga looks so soft and concentrated makes him want to kiss him right away. 

The fact that Taiga never replied properly to his question makes him grasp that tiny bit of hope. He's seen his seniors go back and forth in their relationships, and he sees no issue in them getting back together either. Or at least try again. He doesn't want to give up yet. Not yet. They deserve another chance.

Taiga slowly turns around, sheets rustling as he moves, making them face to face and their noses almost touching. It reminds him of their old days when Taiga used to brush his nose against his instead of kissing him.

He never understood why Taiga did it, but even with the longing to feel his lips against his own, he didn't mind it. He believed they'll get to that point too.

They never did. 

At least not while their relationship lasted, but they did cross that line at a party. A few games and a bit of illegally obtained liquor later, they found themselves in a lip lock. 

It passed fast but Hokuto still remembers it vividly. It had been a few years since they broke up - or drifted apart as he preferred to say, because none of them said out loud that they were over. It was by far his first kiss, even if he had hoped it would have been Taiga, but it was  _ their _ first kiss. The moment they touched each other, Hokuto felt all his old feelings come to a boil again, left him wondering why he locked them away in the first place. 

The kiss might have lasted just a few seconds, but to Hokuto it had felt like an eternity. Igniting every possible feeling by tenfold. 

He also remembers how Taiga touched his lips after their kiss when he thought no one was looking. 

It was then he knew he was in love with Taiga. A few years too late. 

He understands if Taiga is scared. He is too. 

He leans in and bops Taiga's nose lightly and all memories flash before his eyes, making him tear up at how precious they were and he never understood how to treasure it. Maybe it's too late now. 

Taiga pulls out one hand from beneath the blanket to cup Hokuto's cheek, hesitantly but softly. His thumb caressing his cheek, wiping away imaginary tears. 

"Just one more thing, please, I promise I will give you up, it won't affect the group at all," his voice trembles, on the edge of breaking down, and all he wants to do is make sure Taiga is his. Even if it's only for tonight. "Kiss me? One more time? That's all I ask." 

He doesn't even get to finish his words before Taiga leans in, lips finding his. 

It's not fireworks and butterflies, not at all, not even the opposite. 

He quickly responds back, hands cupping Taiga's face, fingers tangling into his hair, all to just pull him closer. 

Words lost and feelings found. 

Kissing Taiga is like an addiction, you never get enough of it, you only want more and more, until you find yourself unable to live without it. 

He doesn't know how he's survived without it until now. Not that it actually matters because he feels so alive right now. 

When they break apart for air, he doesn't want it to end. He doesn't want them to be nothing. He lied. He can't let him go. There's no way he can let go of Taiga. 

Their breaths hot on each other's skin, tingling with sensation and more want. Air heavy with unsaid feelings and actions. 

"I don't want it to be the last," Taiga whispers, voice shaking. "We've barely started." 

Hokuto feels like he could cry right now, he won't but everything suddenly feels so surreal. He knows Taiga has more to say though.

"I want it to last forever. Us, together forever. I want you to be only mine. I want you so much it scares me what I'll do to have you. That's why you deserve someone else. Someone who doesn't want to monopolize you. Someone who can give you everything you want and not expect anything back. Someone who isn't me." 

Hokuto doesn't know where to begin - Taiga still feels something too, he feels it even stronger than before and it doesn't scare Hokuto at all. It only fuels his own feelings, leaving them burning even hotter.

"It's okay," he says, brushing his nose against Taiga's. "All of that is okay because it's you." 

"Okay." 

If it was someone else than Taiga, he would have said no. He would have listened and found someone else. But it's Taiga. Taiga, whom he's been in love with since forever and will love forever. There was never anyone else for Hokuto.

"I'll give you forever." 

  
  



End file.
